Mirror, Mirror on the wall

I recently read an article in Dementia Today that describe the brain's inability to recognize a person's own image in the mirror. It immediately reminded me of an incident I experienced with Mom in May 2011.

We had gone shopping at Walmart. I was buying walking shoes for our upcoming Vegas trip. While I was making my selection, I instructed Mom to sit on a nearby bench while she waited for me. She sat on a shoe bench in the shoe department. At the bench there was a mirror directly behind her against the wall. At first, I didn't pay much attention to her until I realized she appeared to be having a conversation with someone.

I turned around to look. Suddenly, my heart skipped a beat, I stopped in my tracks to observe Mom. I immediately notice there was nobody else around us, just Mom and me. I stood there in utter silence as I listened to Mom speak. I was completely stunned when I realized that Mom was having a conversation with her own image in the mirror. She wasn't talking to herself per se, she honestly believed that another person was sitting directly behind her.

She was actually carrying a conversation with her imaginery friend. I heard her chatting about certain life events, such as where she went to high school, etc. She would actually put her ear up to the mirror to listen closer to the make-believe person next to her. Suddenly, Mom noticed tht her imaginary friend had matching rings which were identical to the ones Mom was wearing! Her mouth dropped and her eyes got wide as she held her hand up to show the imaginary friend her rings. Mom was totally surprise that their rings matched.

My instincts told me to pull my cellphone camera from my purse to snap Mom's picture as she talked to her imaginary friend. When she noticed that I was taking pictures, she paused a moment from talking to actually pose with her new friend in the mirror. Next thing that happened was Mom noticed the imaginary friend's other hand. They had the same rings! Now, Mom was astonished that both hands had the same matching rings as hers. Her expression said it all.

I just snapped her picture as she holds up her hand to reflect the matching rings. I debated whether I should try to correct Mom or not. I chose not to.  I didn't want to embarrass Mom by pointing out that her friend in the mirror was actually herself. I let her have her imaginary conversation as though it was a real person just having a social conversation. She even politely introduced me to her new friend. As I told Mom it was time to go, she said a quick goodbye to her friend and together we left to the checkout lane.

By now, my mind is racing faster than the Indy 500. I kept replaying the imagines of this event I just witnessed. I had taken three (3) quick pictures to capture the moment. As I looked upon these pictures, I struggled with the imagines in my mind. Replaying the conversation in my head. It all seemed surreal to me. Over and over the event replayed in my mind. I was confused by what I just witnessed and I felt an overwhelming sadness inside me.  My own mother didn't recognize her own image in the mirror.

It has been said that pictures tell a thousand words. These pictures show the reality of Mom's declining mental capacity. I was like watching the saddest show on earth. It was the most heartbreaking moment that I have ever experienced in my life (aside from the death of my Dad). I could barely make sense of it at all.  But the reality of the moment allowed me to clearly see that my sweet Mom was a completely different person inside now. My eyes would never see her in the same perspective as before. Besides the enourmous love I have for her, I knew that I had to be her protector now. Mom was defenseless to her own self. Dementia is one of the worse diseases in this world. It is horrific how a beautiful, intelligent and independent woman has become feeble minded by this horrible, horrible disease. The grief that I felt inside is so overwhelming as reality sets in. I know that Mom's mind is slowly being robbed. She is the victim, dementia is the criminal. 

Lord hear my prayers

Dear Lord,

You know me better than I know myself. Lately, I have been looking at pictures of Mom from years past. Years filled with such wonderful and happy memories that passed by so quickly. One thing stands out in my mind and I can't help thinking how much she has changed in the last 3 years. Not just in appearance but her personality too. Don't misunderstand me, Lord, I am glad that Mom is alive, strong and physically healthy. But, sometimes, I can't help missing my REAL Mom, the Mom before this evil, dreadful disease of dementia, that has taken over her mind.

There are so many words I could use to describe my Mom but none of these words would justify the beautiful person she truly is.  What I can say, Lord, is that you blessed my brother and I with such a wonderful mother, we are extremely grateful beyond words. Thank you for selecting this gracious woman to be our Mom. Growing up, she nurtured us with lots of tender loving care, sprinkled in with understanding, patience and inspiration, she provided guidance to us so we would become the strong, independent, mature adults we are today.  We were so lucky! My family was very loving and affectionate. We had the space to voice our opinions through open discussions and debates. We always forgave each other for any hurt feelings. Mom, especially, could never hold a grudge longer than an hour. But what I will always remember the most about Mom is that she taught us about Unconditional Love.  Yes, we are so very lucky! Although, we do not know what her future holds, one thing is for certain, we love her dearly and we want only the best for her well being and happiness.

Please, Dear Lord, guide us with your divine powers to be kind, loving and more patient than ever before. Help us to understand that Mom does not control her thoughts, words or actions. We know without a doubt that Mom loves us immensely. Please give us many more days of joy and happiness with her. Let Mom feel how much she is loved. I pray to you, Dear Lord, please do not let Mom forget who we are, even as all else is forgotten in her mind, please, let her remember her children to the very end. And Lord, one last request, when you decide to take her home to your kingdom in heaven, please, allow her to travel peacefully with you, without any prolong suffering or pain. Thank you for answering my prayers Lord.

I ask this in the name of your son Jesus. In the name of Our Father, his Son & the Holy Spirit. Amen.