Family is the gift that lasts forever

 My mother was born in San Antonio on July 14, 1938. She was named Gloria Ortiz. Her family was poor, yet they were a strong, loving Mexican-American family. Her father, Arnulfo Ortiz, was a migrant worker, her mother was a housewife raising their children.  When Mom was twelve years old, she lost her mother, Luisa Ortiz. My grandmother  left behind 11 children, (7 girls, 4 boys) ranging from 3 months to 18 years old. She was only 39 years old at the time of her passing.

  My grandfather was left to continue raising his children without his wife. He had built his home next to his brother's house on Chihuahua Street, in a West side neighborhood. His brother, Maurico  had married Luisa's sister, Petra. Luckily, Tia Petra helped Arnulfo's daughter's in caring for their younger siblings. The two Ortiz families grew up as a close knit family. Despite their struggles from proverty, each child manage to graduate from high school. This was actually considered a huge accomplishment in the 1950's. 

  My parents first met in high school. Mom used to work as a student aide in the attendance office at Lanier High School in San Antonio. Gloria was a popular high school cheerleader. Her personality was naturally bubbly and joyful. She was a cute, petite beauty who capture my Dad's eye.  

  Edward Garcia, better known as Eddie in his younger years, came from a poor family of 8 boys. His father, Roberto Garcia was a shoemaker, his mother, Candelaria Garcia, was a housewife. Eddie would find any excuse to go to the attendance office just to see Gloria. 

She was immediately smitten by his good looks and charming, polite manners. It wasn't long before they became boyfriend & girlfriend. They dated briefly during high school, secretly meeting at the Malt House or local dance hall. Gloria's father would not permit his daughters to date or bring boys to their modest 4 room house. The Ortiz sisters often pretended to go out  together so they could each meet their boyfriends and go on individual dates. 

 Gloria and Eddie's relationship eventually drifted apart before her graduation. She graduated from Lanier in 3 years at the age of 16 in 1955. She went to work at Lackland Air Force Base as a secretary to help support her younger siblings. One day in early1958, she was at the Greyhound Bus station to see her sister Minnie off to visit their sister Socky for the summer. It was there that Gloria ran into Eddie. He had joined the military in 1956 after his high school graduation. He recognized her and stopped to chat with her before his bus departed to Amarillo, where he was stationed. Before leaving, he asked for her phone number and address. They soon began writing each other. It wasn't long before they had rekindled their relationship and fell in love again.  While Eddie was stationed in Amarillo, he would return to San Antonio to visit his family, especially Gloria. One day, he said "Let's get married today" and just like that, she accepted.  They didn't have any special plan in mind. Eddie asked his brother Raul and his then girlfriend, Toni to serve as witnesses at the courthouse. They hopped the bus downtown to go to the courthouse for a civil wedding. It was there that they eloped.  October 14, 1958 is the day they became husband and wife. He was 21, she was 20. 

  Eddie had to return to his military duties in Amarillo, Gloria went home (her father's home). Back in those days, the San Antonio paper would publish announcements of couples who had gotten married. Unbeknowning to Eddie & Gloria, their names ran in the paper a few days later. When their names appeared, Gloria's sister, Genny  saw the wedding announcement and ran crying around her house. Everyone in the family thought  that somebody had died when Genny cried out, "We lost her. We lost her." Nobody understood what Genny was talking about. The family had no idea that Gloria had eloped. Years later It became the joke in the family. Gloria was immediately kicked out of her father's home and told to go live with her husband. Before she could join Eddie, Gloria stayed with her older sister, Connie. 

  Connie was married to Alex already and had a daughter name Debbie. Gloria spent a few months living there while working to save her money to move with her husband. It wasn't long before Eddie returned to San Antonio to take his bride to Amarillo. 

  The two newlyweds soon began building their own life together. Gloria got a secretarial job on the base while Eddie was stationed there. Eddie received his honorable discharge from the Air Force in December 1961. They returned to San Antonio and found jobs at Kelly Air Force Base. This was the start of their careers working for the government as civil service employees. They rented a little house on the west side of town. In 1962, Gloria found out she was pregnant. They soon bought their first house on Parmly Street to welcome their firstborn child. 

They were beyond excitement to welcome their only girl, Laura Lynn (ME) on May 28, 1963. I was the first girl born on my father's Garcia family. When I was two, my parents move to Washington, DC for temporary work assignment there. They later returned to San Antonio afterward. In the fall of 1966, Eddie's father passed away. Gloria was pregnant with their second child. On January 18, 1967, their only son, Eric Edward was born. 

  I was a little mother hen and pampered my baby brother. By 1968, my parents were working at Randolph Air Force base and bought their second house on the outskirts of San Antonio, in the City of Live Oak. Back in those days, Live Oak Village was a growing area of military personnel and cilivans building their homes close to the base. My parents bought their house at 119 Greycliff Dr for $25,000, which  was considered very expensive. We settled into our home and made wonderful memories that are precious to me still. We made many friends while watching the neighborhood grow. 

 I remember that Mom's biggest worry was that she would not live long enough to raise her children. I could see why she would have this fear since losing her mother at a young age. Our parents were wonderful, showering us both with so much unconditional love. There was never any shortage of hugs, kisses and understanding. 

We took vacations to different parts of the United States. Our parents wanted to expose us to different cultures. We took trips along the Eastern Coast line, from New York City, Washington DC and Richmond Virginia to as far south as Miami, Florida and all along the Gulf coast, Midwestern states and west coast too. We were raised in San Antonio until I was 16 years old. My Dad accepted a job in Tampa, Florida during my junior year in high school. Shortly after moving to Tampa, Dad was relocated to Louisville, Kentucky, where I started my senior year.Then 4 months after moving there, we desperately wanted to return to Texas, so Dad accepted a job in Dallas,  in late 1980. I finished my senior year at South Garland High School in 1981. 

I met my future husband shortly after we returned to Texas. Guillermo Vasquez (Willie) was in the Marine Corp and received his honorable discharge in 1982. We began a three year courtship. I was going to college working on my bachelor's degree when Willie asked me to marry him. My parents wanted me to finish college before I married. But I had disobeyed my parents wishes and eloped on September 30, 1983. I kept my marriage a secret while I was planning my real wedding. I was going through an emotional time knowing I disobeyed my parents. When my father asked me if I was already married, I told him the truth. I still remember how bad I felt in the pit of my stomach. My father was very upset with me. My mother was extremely forgiving and offered her eternal love to me. Stating that she could not turn her back on me, that I would need her one day. After two weeks, my father called me and asked me to come visit. I was living in Denton during my junior year of college. Willie and I drove to visit my parents in Mesquite. Our conversation filled me with mixed emotion. My parents had decided to accept my decision to marry Willie. They gave us their blessings, saying that they didn't want to force me to chose between them & Willie. I was on cloud 9 after I got my parent's blessing. We continued planning our wedding and we married on December 30, 1983. I was 20 years old, he was 24. I can honestly say it was the happiest day of my life. 

Although,  my parents had their differences, I always felt that I had the greatest parents in the world. I had always been close to my parents and I  loved spending quality time with them whenever I could. We were always together during the holidays and special occasions. I thought life couldn't get any better. 

  Willie & I bought our first house in 1985 and welcomed our first child, Valerie Lauren on January 26, 1988. My parents were the most loving grandparents that I had ever seen. They spoiled their first grandchild rotten. Joshua Guillermo arrived on July 7, 1989, followed by Vanessa Lynn on December 27, 1991. Their fourth grandchild, Jacob Gabriel arrived on the same day, three years later in 1994.

  Nana & Bampa were the best grandparents ever. They helped in their childcare and my children loved and adored them so much.  Little did we know that my Dad would died the following year on January 22, 1996 from a massive heartattack while on vacation.

  My Dad's death took an emotional toll on my family. Eric was with my parents on their annual vacation to Hot Springs, Arkansas. My parents loved going to their timeshare. So when I think back on it, Dad died in a beautiful place he loved. I was in shock after my Dad's passing. It's the little things that I love most about my Dad. He was a very thoughtful and giving person. Sometimes on weekends, Dad would get up early to go buy barbacoa and pan de dulce and then drop it off at my house. Then he would call me on the phone to tell me that I had a surprise waiting on my front door. There were times when I would be visiting my parents and Dad would walk me to my car. He'd always look at my gas level in my car. If my car was low, he would insist that on taking me to the gas station to fill up my car. He hated me to drive on a low tank of gas. 

After Dad's passing, Mom and I were on an emotional roller coaster. We each tried to be strong for the other. We balanced each other. When I was weak, she was strong. When Mom was down, I lifted her spirits. My Dad was buried in Dallas, despite my pleads to be buried in San Antonio. I always told him that I would move back after he was gone. About 4 months after his death, a job opportunity with FedEx became available in San Antonio, Willie and I applied immediately. Within a few weeks we were transferred to San Antonio. At first, it was hard being apart from Mom, but luckily she devided to moved to San Antonio about two years later. She bought a condo near my home and started a new life close to me again. 

  My mother was the sweetest, happiest and loving person ever. She had a spunky personality and was friendly with everyone. Our daily lives were intertwined and she helped in the upbringing of my children. Nana's bond with my children is everlasting. She was very involved in our lives and we saw each other often, if not daily. In 1998, when Mom turned 60 years old, I threw her a surprised birthday party. She was totally shocked that I had planned this event without her knowledge and her entire family was there to celebrate this special occasion.

Mom stayed very active in her retirement years. If she wasn't with me & my children, she was traveling with her sisters. She traveled to Alaska, Mexico and others states. Mom spent several vacations with my family too. In 1999, we went to Disney World in Florida. Everybody had a great time. We returned to Florida together in 2004 to visit Universal Studios.

In 2008, when Mom turned 70 years old, to celebrate, I took her on a trip to San Fransisco and Lake Tahoe. We called it a girls trip since only Mom and me and my daughters went. During our trip, we drove through Yosemite National Park. It was the best trip ever. I am so glad that we got to share this experience together. 

In 2009, Mom was showing signs of dementia but it would take another year before I could get her evaluated. By 2011, Eric & I were told that Mom had the most common form of dementia that would likely lead to Alzheimer's Disease. We were crushed. I couldn't even fathom my life without my mother. I loved her so much and we were so close, I didn't even want to imagine what our journey would be like on this unfamiliar road of life. I can honestly say that it is definitely called The Long Goodbye for a reason. Little by little, I lost bits and pieces of my mother. Watching her health slowly decline is the hardest journey to travel. We tried hard to show our love and affection to Mom often. We told her we loved her every opportunity we could. She never forgot her children & grandchildren. She loved us to the very end. I am totally grateful that Mom lived to see her grandchildren reach adulthood. We lost her on Tuesday, September 24, 2013, at the age of 75. Although it broke our hearts to let her go, we are forever blessed for the wonderful memories she left behind. 

As I look back on my childhood, I often find myself remembering all the little things my parents did for me. I thank my lucky stars that I was blessed with such wonderful and loving parents. Their unconditional love was the greatest gift that was given freely to me. Their many sacrifices to provide a better life for me and my brother didn't go unnoticed. Despite my teenage rebellion years, when I would looked mother in her eyes and swear I would never be like her, little did I know then that,  I would turn into my own mother one day. 

Life is truly an adventure and we never know what our future may hold. But I know that wherever I go, I know that my parent's spirit lives on within my heart. After all, I am my mother's mutsie and my father's Baby Huey.  Death will never end the bonds of love we share. 

Always & Forever.

Reflections

I recently started writing in my blog again. As I reviewed several of my previous stories, it caused me to pause to reflect on this journey that my family has experienced. It was only in 2009 when I began to see signs of forgetfulness with Mom. It was June 2010 before she was seen by a neurologist and fully evaluated. By 2011, we were advised that Mom had the most common type of dementia that leads to Alzeheimer's Disease. Mom was still in physical good health in 2012, although her cognitive abilities had severely declined. I would go to the online resources on Alz.org to learn about the different stages of Alzeheimer's. It served to provide a valuable resource as I analyzed Mom's condition comparing to its medical description. Mom had fallen at least once a year, but her last fall in early 2013 did cause her condition to progress more drastically than ever expected. I'm glad that we got to celebrate Mom's 75th birthday in July. However, she did miss a few significant events in my life. I'm sadden that she missed my graduation ceremony from UIW and 50th birthday party in May and my son Jacob's high school graduation in June. I understand that her health didn't allow her to be there, but I really missed her nevertheless.

 It's been very difficult on me, both emotionally and financially, to travel to Dallas every 6 to 12 weeks to visit Mom. Not only do I miss her so much but, the changes in her health have dramatically changed from one visit to the next. Till now, this journey had brought on emotions of frustration and irritation as Mom's personality changed. Now, I am going through an emotional helplessness being separated from her like we are. My entire life, I have lived within miles of her and always saw her on a regular basis.  When my family relocated back to San Antonio, Mom followed within 2 years. She loved spending time with my family. She was a wonderful Nana to my children, always helping with homework, going to the movies, park and Dairy Queen for ice cream treats. She was always very thoughtful and never ever forgot birthdays or anniversaries. We spoke often on the phone, just to talk about current events or to say I love you. We hardly got mad at each other and if we did, we seldom stayed mad. Mom and I just can't hold a grudge with each other. She was always the first to run errands with me to squeeze some quality time together. We always had a great time just hanging out and watching movies. Mom has been my biggest advocate and supporter, always providing uplifting advice, hope and inspiration when I needed it. She has been my best friend my whole life! 

Growing up, my parents were middle income, Mom always said that we were poor in our pockets but rich in our hearts.  She used to tease me that I had champaigne taste on a koolaid pocketbook. Mom was very creative and I never felt like I went without anything. She could take a $5 formal from Solo Service and add her special touches to make me look like a million bucks. She loved shopping and buying  discounted items for her grandchildren and me. She love going antiquing and traveling to different places. She was spunky, fun loving and so full of life. Her jolly personality and infectious smile could brighten up my day in a heartbeat. We hugged often, held hands and said I love you more times than I can count. I have never doubted her love for me. After all, she often said that I was her one and only favorite daughter. She signed cards with Enteral love forever, your one & only favorite Mom. 

As I reflected on these life changing events these past years, I realize that God has answered one of my prayers. I asked that mother never forget her children and thus far, she hasn't. I will be forever grateful for his loving blessing. 

Although, Mom can no longer walk or talk anymore, she still manages to say I love you. Surprisingly, against all odds, Mom continues to love her family. This in itself is the greatest gift in the world to me. No matter how tough this journey has been, Mom always remember to love. She exemplifies the true meaning of unconditional love. 

Lullabies

Tonight, I was laying in bed reading when my Vanessa came into my room to say goodnight. She wrapped her arms around me and laid her head on my shoulder while we hugged. To me, this is  the best part of being a mother, the love of her child. I squeezed her tight and rubbed her back. As I closed my eyes, I was taken back to my childhood, holding tight to my own mother, then  I began to sing:

 Go to sleep my Vanessa, go to sleep right now. Go to sleep my Vanessa, go to sleep right now. You know mama loves you, and daddy loves you too. Valerie, Joshua and Jacob, and Nana does  too. Go to sleep my Vanessa, go to sleep right now.

The memory of my dear Mom tucking me into bed each night and singing me to sleep. Her voice was soft and soothing as she sang. As a child, I never could get enough of Mom singing to me. She had a beautiful voice and the words flowed naturally. I always believed that Mom made these songs especially for Eric and me.  This song was my favorite:

Where are you going my little girl? My precious girl. Where are you going my baby, my love? Turn around and you were a baby, turn around and you were 5, turn around, and you are a big girl going to school. Go to sleep. Go to sleep, for Jesus is watching. He will take good care of you, so be a good girl. And dream of the angels, for they all love you too. 

When I became a mother, I sang these lullabies to my children. My voice is not as sweet or soothing as my Mom's but my children loved me singing them to sleep just as much as I did. Funny how some things never change! I wish I had a recording of Mom singing these lullabies, but the memory is forever embedded in my mind. I've made a mental note to myself that I would sing these lullabies to Mom the next time I visit. I will wrap my arms around her and hold her tiny body in my arms. I will tell her how much her lullabies mean to me and my children. A mother holds her children's hands for a while but their hearts forever. 

I love my little lady! 

Mirror, Mirror on the wall

I recently read an article in Dementia Today that describe the brain's inability to recognize a person's own image in the mirror. It immediately reminded me of an incident I experienced with Mom in May 2011.

We had gone shopping at Walmart. I was buying walking shoes for our upcoming Vegas trip. While I was making my selection, I instructed Mom to sit on a nearby bench while she waited for me. She sat on a shoe bench in the shoe department. At the bench there was a mirror directly behind her against the wall. At first, I didn't pay much attention to her until I realized she appeared to be having a conversation with someone.

I turned around to look. Suddenly, my heart skipped a beat, I stopped in my tracks to observe Mom. I immediately notice there was nobody else around us, just Mom and me. I stood there in utter silence as I listened to Mom speak. I was completely stunned when I realized that Mom was having a conversation with her own image in the mirror. She wasn't talking to herself per se, she honestly believed that another person was sitting directly behind her.

She was actually carrying a conversation with her imaginery friend. I heard her chatting about certain life events, such as where she went to high school, etc. She would actually put her ear up to the mirror to listen closer to the make-believe person next to her. Suddenly, Mom noticed tht her imaginary friend had matching rings which were identical to the ones Mom was wearing! Her mouth dropped and her eyes got wide as she held her hand up to show the imaginary friend her rings. Mom was totally surprise that their rings matched.

My instincts told me to pull my cellphone camera from my purse to snap Mom's picture as she talked to her imaginary friend. When she noticed that I was taking pictures, she paused a moment from talking to actually pose with her new friend in the mirror. Next thing that happened was Mom noticed the imaginary friend's other hand. They had the same rings! Now, Mom was astonished that both hands had the same matching rings as hers. Her expression said it all.

I just snapped her picture as she holds up her hand to reflect the matching rings. I debated whether I should try to correct Mom or not. I chose not to.  I didn't want to embarrass Mom by pointing out that her friend in the mirror was actually herself. I let her have her imaginary conversation as though it was a real person just having a social conversation. She even politely introduced me to her new friend. As I told Mom it was time to go, she said a quick goodbye to her friend and together we left to the checkout lane.

By now, my mind is racing faster than the Indy 500. I kept replaying the imagines of this event I just witnessed. I had taken three (3) quick pictures to capture the moment. As I looked upon these pictures, I struggled with the imagines in my mind. Replaying the conversation in my head. It all seemed surreal to me. Over and over the event replayed in my mind. I was confused by what I just witnessed and I felt an overwhelming sadness inside me.  My own mother didn't recognize her own image in the mirror.

It has been said that pictures tell a thousand words. These pictures show the reality of Mom's declining mental capacity. I was like watching the saddest show on earth. It was the most heartbreaking moment that I have ever experienced in my life (aside from the death of my Dad). I could barely make sense of it at all.  But the reality of the moment allowed me to clearly see that my sweet Mom was a completely different person inside now. My eyes would never see her in the same perspective as before. Besides the enourmous love I have for her, I knew that I had to be her protector now. Mom was defenseless to her own self. Dementia is one of the worse diseases in this world. It is horrific how a beautiful, intelligent and independent woman has become feeble minded by this horrible, horrible disease. The grief that I felt inside is so overwhelming as reality sets in. I know that Mom's mind is slowly being robbed. She is the victim, dementia is the criminal. 

Lord hear my prayers

Dear Lord,

You know me better than I know myself. Lately, I have been looking at pictures of Mom from years past. Years filled with such wonderful and happy memories that passed by so quickly. One thing stands out in my mind and I can't help thinking how much she has changed in the last 3 years. Not just in appearance but her personality too. Don't misunderstand me, Lord, I am glad that Mom is alive, strong and physically healthy. But, sometimes, I can't help missing my REAL Mom, the Mom before this evil, dreadful disease of dementia, that has taken over her mind.

There are so many words I could use to describe my Mom but none of these words would justify the beautiful person she truly is.  What I can say, Lord, is that you blessed my brother and I with such a wonderful mother, we are extremely grateful beyond words. Thank you for selecting this gracious woman to be our Mom. Growing up, she nurtured us with lots of tender loving care, sprinkled in with understanding, patience and inspiration, she provided guidance to us so we would become the strong, independent, mature adults we are today.  We were so lucky! My family was very loving and affectionate. We had the space to voice our opinions through open discussions and debates. We always forgave each other for any hurt feelings. Mom, especially, could never hold a grudge longer than an hour. But what I will always remember the most about Mom is that she taught us about Unconditional Love.  Yes, we are so very lucky! Although, we do not know what her future holds, one thing is for certain, we love her dearly and we want only the best for her well being and happiness.

Please, Dear Lord, guide us with your divine powers to be kind, loving and more patient than ever before. Help us to understand that Mom does not control her thoughts, words or actions. We know without a doubt that Mom loves us immensely. Please give us many more days of joy and happiness with her. Let Mom feel how much she is loved. I pray to you, Dear Lord, please do not let Mom forget who we are, even as all else is forgotten in her mind, please, let her remember her children to the very end. And Lord, one last request, when you decide to take her home to your kingdom in heaven, please, allow her to travel peacefully with you, without any prolong suffering or pain. Thank you for answering my prayers Lord.

I ask this in the name of your son Jesus. In the name of Our Father, his Son & the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Family isn't always blood-related

An upset stomach has me awake in the middle of the night. Sometimes, I have so many thoughts running through my mind, I don't always focus. But this morning, one particular thought stands out in my head. More of an observation, than anything else.

Have you ever notice when a person gets sick, others will pray for them, call them, or bring them food? Each of these are very nice things to do for people to help the individual get better. Or when a person passes away, family comes together to share their condolences with the grieving family. This shows how much the deceased person and her family are loved.

But what is bothering today, I am speaking specifically about my mother, is that when a person like Mom, has a serious medical condition, like Dementia, that NOT many people (family) offer do anything for her.  Such as going to visit or taking her out to eat or including her in other family activities on a regular basis.

Since Mom's dementia was diagnosed last year, there have been noticeable changes in her memory and behavior. My brother and I are her primary caregivers. We are a team that is dedicated to caring for Mom. Our sole purpose is to see that she is happy in life. We have had to alter our own life so that we may share in her care. It is a very difficult balance and requires coordination of our schedules. We have to be flexible and learn as we go through this journey with her.

Mom comes from a family of 11 children (7 girls, 4 boys).  Recently, my mother lost her first sibling, a sister who was 1 1/2 years older than her. Mom was very sadden by her loss.   Fortunately, Mom went to visit her at her deathbed and told her, I will love you always. Luckily, Mom has accepted her sister's death and realizes that her sister is no longer suffering on this earth. Initially, I was worried whether Mom would remember this event  or not. So far she has and it seems to be embedded in her mind now.

At the funeral, mother sat quietly with her other siblings and accepted hugs from people offering their sympathy for the loss of their sister. Sometimes, when Mom reaches out to hug or kiss a person, she tends to touch their face. I couldn't help notice how one particular relative quickly grabbed her hand so that Mom would not touch their face. Up till now, I had never witness an adult actually reject her touch. However, this rejection actually bothered me when I saw it happen. Maybe because it wasn't a slow suddle motion  but an actual  deliberate reaction to avoid her touch.  I did not  mention it to Mom. Instead, I made a mental note about the incident to myself. Luckily, Mom really didn't notice or pay much attention so it didn't ever bothered her. However, I got the impression based on this person's past behavior that they don't like to be around my mother much anymore. Recently,  I've notice them leaving the room whenever she comes around.

 I often tell Mom not to touch children or people in general because they may not like it. When she meets a stranger's child, she usually will ask permission from the parent if she may touch their child. She is superstitious about giving a child "ojos". So far, all parents have been kind to her and allowed their child to be touch.

Mom has wonderful social skills and loves people in general. She loves her siblings tremendously, but hardly sees them. I once asked one of my aunts (Mom's sister) if she would ask her brothers and sisters to spend a few hours a week with Mom. I was surprised when she responded, "that is something you need to ask". Wow, It's funny things changed quickly. How this same aunt had initially offered numerous of times to take Mom to her doctor's appointments or help in any other ways. But after 2 doctor visits, she pretty much has said, "that you and Eric need to take your Mom". So, I've quit asking. I've realized quickly that Eric & I are on our own now. 

My husband had told me about a similar story when his father had cancer and all his family would make offers to take him to the doctor or help out with transportation issues. But it didn't take long to recognize when the family no longer wants to be bothered with such problems. It didn't matter that he had taken family leave from the Marine Corp to be close to his father or that he did not own a car. He actually warned me that initially everyone will offer to help but when it comes down to it, nobody ever will. He was truly right.

However, I am fortunate to have one relative from my father's family who love and adore my mother so very much, my beloved Aunt Minnie & Uncle Roy. They have extended offers to have Mom visit more regularly on numerous occasions. I am so grateful that they have a solid and genuine relationship with Mom. They have expressed their desire to stay involved in my Mom's life to the very end.

Often, I think to myself, Mom's memory is fading and if anybody wants to be remembered by her, I recommend they make a conscientious effort to call  and visit her. Otherwise, if they do not, it is very likely that Mom will not remember them. Their memory will be forever lost. Once this happens, I can never change the final outcome.

I am trying to be proactive and I have started searching through caregiver resources to find an assisted living facility. As much as I hate the thought, I have to be realistic. I have been told that as Mom's condition worsens, that she will most likely need the care assisted living provides. For now, I am an optimist, I believe that my brother and I are the best caregivers for Mom. She nurtured us as children, it's our time to nurture her.   I am considering to join an Alzheimer's support group and my sweet Aunt Minnie (Dad's side) has offered to come with me. Isn't it funny, that those that care the most are not always related by blood. Suddenly, I understand the meaning "Family isn't always blood related."

Ooh, baby, it's a wild world

La la la la la la
Now, that I've lost everthing to you.
You say you wanna start something new
And it's breaking my heart you're leaving, baby, I'm grieving
But if you wanna leave, take good care.
Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.

Chorus:
Ooh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Ooh baby, baby it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child, girl.

You know I've seen alot of what the world can do
And it's breaking my heart in two
Because I never wanna see you sad, girl,
Don't be a bad girl
But if you wanna leave, take good care
Hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there's a lot bad and beware, beware

Chorus: Repeat

Just the other day, I heard this song by Cat Stevens, "Wild World" and it brought a smile to my face and tears to my eyes. When I was a teenage, my mother once told me how this song reminded her of me. I used to think it was written especially for me. She used to tell me NOT to be in a hurry to grow up and life isn't as easy as it seems.

I have always like this song but I never gave much thought to the lyrics until years later. Now when I hear this song, it brings me mixed emotions. I think back to my carefree teenage years that I never thought would end. How simple life was. How fortunate I was to have such wonderful parents. I know now that I didn't show enough appreciation to my parents when I was a teenager. I know this now because I do not feel very appreciate by my own children at times. I understand the meaning of these lyrics today and I am glad that Mom took time to shared her true thoughts and feelings with me during a wonderful mother and daughter moment. She doesn't remember our past conversation from years ago, but I will always remember. I love my little lady.